She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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