he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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