did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
