she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
