Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my moral compass just broke
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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