you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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