Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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