i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
