I need help removing her.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
