she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
