Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
