New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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