I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
