Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
