Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
