Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize