Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
