life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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