I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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