Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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