i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
