I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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