when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
