we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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