I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
