i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
