I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
