i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize