i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
