happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
