Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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