hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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