Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
