Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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