He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
