You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
never play flip cup with pint glasses
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize