Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
