My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
