Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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