if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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