You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
