I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
