Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
