3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
