WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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