Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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