i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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