so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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