this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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