batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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