so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
