He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
