last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
