How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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