Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
