Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
