i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
