My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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