Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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