fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize