This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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