Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
