I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
