Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
