Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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