So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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