apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
