I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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