hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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