Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
organizing the empties. That sober.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
