not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
