I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
