could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
