Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
