She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
