you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize